Nintendo Switch 2 Pre-Orders Open: A Cynic’s Guide to the Madness

Nintendo Switch 2 pre-orders are finally opening in the US, with the same price but some accessories getting a hike. Here’s what you need to know, with a side of skepticism.

Ah, the Nintendo Switch 2 pre-orders are finally here—cue the collective gasp of gamers everywhere. The console’s sticking to its guns at $450, and if you’re feeling fancy, the bundle with Mario Kart World will set you back $500. Because, let’s face it, who can resist a little Mario Kart action? But hold onto your wallets, folks; some accessories are getting a price hike, all thanks to those ever-mysterious ‘market conditions.’ Sounds like someone’s been taking creative accounting lessons.

Thinking of snagging one straight from Nintendo? Buckle up. You’ll need to be 18, have a Nintendo account, and basically send them a love letter expressing your interest. Then, if the stars align, you’ll get an invite email that lasts as long as a snowman in summer—72 hours. And if you’re the kind of person who’s logged enough hours on your Switch to qualify for a sainthood, you might just skip the line. How… democratic.

For everyone else who’s not in Nintendo’s inner circle, there’s always the usual suspects: Best Buy, GameStop, Walmart, and Target, rolling out the red carpet on April 24. Because nothing screams ‘exclusive’ like being available at every store under the sun.

In other ‘news,’ Bluesky’s decided to join the blue checkmark bandwagon—because if there’s one thing the internet needed, it’s more ways to feel inferior. Meanwhile, Nintendo’s playing detective, hunting down the leaker behind last year’s Pokémon data breach. Nothing says ‘we mean business’ like dragging Discord into the courtroom.

And in a plot twist no one saw coming, the Academy’s announced that using AI in films won’t disqualify you from Oscar glory. Because at the end of the day, it’s all about the magic of cinema—or at least, that’s the story they’re sticking to.